Just as “certainty” can seriously undermine our transformation, a “blaming” mindset can covertly keep us stuck.
Normal people don’t walk around saying “I blame others for most bad outcomes and don’t take personal responsibility.” It is amazing how few people acknowledge this common pattern, yet how widely it is expressed in everyday life. I’m not here to criticize people for this self deception, but rather help expose the pattern so you can release it and grow. This is a common part of the human machine we can grow beyond, but only with the fortitude to look past our comfort zone.
What do I mean by “blame?” I mean attributing the cause of events, circumstances, and even your own actions and thoughts, as originating outside yourself. Sometimes this involves specifically communicating that others are at fault, but mostly it is an insidious internal habit. The habit creates external causes for your life, particularly the aspects you don’t like. This forms the basis of a — dramatic pause — a victim mindset. In stronger forms, I believe this blame habit is the root of many clear victimization perspectives, wherein people attribute much of their life to other people, the system, the unfair world, the evil human parents, and so on. As with the blame habit, no one thinks they have a victim mindset. Both are subtle infections that undermine our lives from the inside out, rather than appear in our internal awareness.
Sometimes it is reasonable to blame others. You’re eating in a restaurant and someone crashes into your legally parked car. A burglar breaks into a locked building and steals something. Even in these cases, beware of subtle hiding of your participation and power — did you park properly, did you secure your valuables reasonably? Even if you are not the cause, be open to learn and alter the circumstance in the future when appropriate.